Bullying

At school I was bullied. For example, in junior high a girl would get down on all fours and imitate a pissing donkey in reference to me on a consistent basis. She would do this imitation in front of me and others.

In high school, most of the time people ignored me, but there were occasional uncomfortable situations. One girl was continually unpleasant to be around. She called me a moron at a Harvard College Admissions meeting at our high school and made other mean remarks. For example, in the film that we acted in together (with the guy who sexually harassed me as the director), she spread information about my giving her tongue during an on screen kiss that I really didn’t want to do.

Her rumor or whatever she felt that I did came back to me multiple times. I laugh now, but I was irritated. I e-mailed her saying I thought she was a bad person, then felt badly. So I sent her a card apologizing and wishing her well. She was classy and sent me a card back, but her perspective was not favorable. She reassured me in the card that she didn’t think badly of me and basically excused her behavior. When I attempted to address the issue with her, she called me a bully. I was feeling very suicidal at the time, and relayed this to her.

She asked me if that was supposed to make her feel guilty. I was annoyed. No, I was not trying to make her feel guilty. Why would I send her a card, apologize, and try to mend things if I was trying to make her feel guilty? She was friends with the guy who sexually harassed me, and they both accused me of being a bully when I attempted to confront them about their behavior.

Another individual in high school accused me of trying to be a messiah perhaps in part due to my belief in giving back to the community.  There are other people who treated me poorly both in junior high and high school, but I am only highlighting certain experiences.

I want to admit that in high school, I acknowledge I was ditzy and played dumb at times. I did this because I thought it was cool to play dumb. I feel that my “show” was very convincing. When people found out I did well in school, it came back to me through a friend that they simply didn’t understand how I could do well. I was hiding behind a façade, and it was wrong of me. Always be yourself, even if you’re afraid. Better to be put down for who you are genuinely than someone you’re not.  

My Advice to You:

-Understand that the abuser and victim both may have perceptual diseases. Commonly, the abuser may not recognize his/her behavior as abuse, and the victim may think he/she is the problem.

-Abuse for the most part is unprovoked.

-If you recognize someone being abused, don’t be a bystander. Offer emotional support, financial support if you are able, and information to help the individual escape the abuse.

-You may have to move if you are being abused. Don’t be afraid to go to a shelter.

-If you are being abused, recognize you may become a scapegoat for other abusers.

-Some people see abuse as a form of discipline; this includes self-abuse.

-Recognize that victims of abuse may be blamed or accused of not “forgiving enough.” Forgive those who accuse you of this, and forgive your abuser. We all do things that are unacceptable, and in order to progress, there needs to be a culture of forgiveness. No one is perfect.

-Recognize that proactive victims take action and don’t see sufficient results to get them out of a bad situation. Stagnant victims find ways to complain about situations without any intent to attempt to change them.

-Through being abused, I questioned whether to take care of myself. Always, know that it’s not superficial or wrong to look nice. No matter what your mistakes may be and no matter how people view you, you are worth it.

-Recognize even if you’ve made a bad decision, mistake, or lapse of judgment, you don’t “deserve” to abuse/punish yourself. Believe in the concept of forgiveness and treating yourself well. Lean on God to develop this self-worth. It’s hard to develop self-worth when others have abused you. God is the source of possessing self- worth.