Continued Trauma

To make matters worse, in addition to the abuse I was experiencing, I experienced another type of trauma.  During college, I proposed a vision I had for fighting poverty to a nonprofit. Unfortunately, this nonprofit repeatedly took ideas, wording, and concepts from my proposals and one of my letters of support from faculty without crediting me. I felt robbed and emotionally raped because I had worked so hard on this initiative. I struggled with self-esteem, but I had to remind myself to forgive and move on. Additionally, thereafter, I overcompensated for this bad experience by coming across as arrogant and overly-confident when presenting this initiative. For this, I apologize.

I am reminded of a time in high school where a Key Club election was rigged in my favor. It was not my idea, and I did not know that it had happened until it was occurring, but I allowed it to happen and became president of that club. Years later, I apologized to the girl I ran against. Luckily, she was classy and forgave me. We must forgive. I want to be forgiven.

You are not above or equal to perfection, so you will make mistakes; you will mess up; you will do bad things. You must learn to forgive yourself fully. And I recommend leaning on God in this process. If you don't learn to forgive yourself, you may become ill to the point of disability as I have experienced.

Forgiveness is tied closely with self worth. You are worthy of forgiveness. You are valued by God.

For example:

I've known people who may have raped others. Do they deserve forgiveness? Yes.

I've encountered chronic, criminal type abuse from certain individuals for years, and I suffered from financial and emotional hardship to the point of suicide. Do they deserve forgiveness? Yes.

I've considered unethical behavior for income. Do I deserve forgiveness? Yes.

Forgive yourself. Each time.

No matter how many times.

And no matter what people think.

People are not God. I am not God.

Forgive yourself.