Sexual Harassment

Sexual harassment can be difficult to identify but often times, the emotion of feeling violated will lend way to red flags about sexual harassment taking place. Sexual harassment can occur with strangers, family, co-workers, and friends, and can include a variety of inappropriate behaviors such as asking question sexual in nature, inappropriate touching, ridiculing someone sexually, and using someone's past as a point of sexual contact or commentary. People who sexually harass others may not even realize that they are perpetrators. They may have grown up with a skewed view of sexuality and take lightly their own comments and touching of their victims.

As someone who has been sexually harassed multiple times, I can attest to the emotion of feeling violated. Many of these men minimized the gravity of their behavior, and some even flipped the blame on me citing my past as justification to sexually harass me.

Some of the sexual harassment I encountered included inappropriate questions one of which was in a work environment where an individual would insist on my answering his sexual question.

Other examples include a sexually predatory friend who happened to be married. He would ask inappropriate sexual questions and ridicule my sexuality in an abrasive and cruel manner. For example, he thought it was funny to call me a whore on a leach, and that I would fuck a dead bird. He ridiculed my sexuality repetitively, and I felt sick and suicidal over it. You, under no circumstances, are obligated to answer sexual questions or to tolerate this type of behavior from a friend. Sexuality is private to many people. When a friend crosses this boundary in a crass way, let him/she know. I let this man know, and he denied that his behavior was harmful and wrong. He instead flipped everything on me, used my mental health against me, and sided with my abusers. He knew I had PTSD, and he knew I was vulnerable. Such a man is a predator, and evil.

I had another friend in high school joke about raping me. This individual was the same one who triggered my mental illness. He would call me asexual multiple times in a resentful tone, and often, attempted to touch me inappropriately. This inappropriate touching included him trying to physically pick me up in his arms and attempting to give me a massage. It was clear to him that I did not want his inappropriate behavior.

Often, when I was sexually harassed, I did not recognize I had been harassed until after the fact. When I tried to tell these men how I felt they either minimized their behavior or flipped the blame on me. I believe it's also important to recognize that men who claim to be your friends but have ulterior motives and attempt to change the dynamics of the friendship in a dishonest and manipulative manner should also be recognized as sexually and emotionally predatory. They should recognize that they have sexually harassed a woman when they manipulate a woman emotionally and sexually.

For example, I had a male friend who kept using the term friend repetitively, then he identified with my mental health, and then quickly transitioned into mentioning his romantic and sexual desire for me. His language was also obsessive.  For example, he claimed he would think of me every day. He had unintentionally groomed me emotionally through relating to my mental health and overly complimenting me to attain his desire for me both relationship-wise and sexually. Needless to say, his behavior was alarming due to his obsessive language and inappropriate strategy in trying to be with me. He had ulterior motives, and they surfaced in the end.

Another male friend of mine revealed his true colors when we had conflict, and he made a statement that he had cared for me but never "expected" anything in return. He was attempting to guilt-trip me for not exhibiting some type of behavior towards him. I considered this sexual harassment given the nature of the comment and the way it was expressed via text.

If you find yourself being sexually harassed (either male or female) communicate clearly that you do not want this behavior directed at you, and walk away from the friendship or association if you must. Know that you are not to blame for someone else's inappropriate actions. If you have the ability to forgive, I recommend this strategy as a method to release the inner violation and negativity you may feel over the matter. Also, do not blame yourself for someone else's actions. It is easy to internalize and cast doubt over yourself as somehow provoking or inviting this behavior in because you may have been friends with the person. There is no justification for sexual harassment.